Past, Present, Future

Sometimes, I wish I was still little again and was released from all burdens. I wish I could still be carefree and not care about boys, or what I looked like. I wish I could still have my daddy carry me in from a long car ride, after I'd fallen asleep. I wish we were still best friends. I wish you still beat me at chicken on the monkey bars, even if it did hurt. I wish we still woke up every Saturday morning and immediately went down to my trampoline and the attic in my barn outside. Our "playhouse". I miss you, and I wish things were the same.

But they're not, and they may never be. It pains me to say that, but somebody has to. We've grown up. We're in high school. Now the only games we play are with each other's minds, and we walk around every second worrying about what we look like, what the person we are passing in the hall is thinking, and other superficial things. It's so sad that we can pass each other in the hall and smile at each other like we were never friends. But that's not the truth. In high school, people you know become people you knew. Everything changes, whether you like it or not.

The present, at this time in my life, is a whirlwind of emotions. Some days I couldn't be happier, and other days, I don't think I could be more deep in depression. More and more each day, though, my friends are making me happy and helping me discover that there is more to life than tears and fears.

The future is not invisible, but it is not clear. I'm finally okay with that. I'm excited to be on my own, figure out where I'm going in life. I'm excited to make mistakes and call my dad to tell him about my horrible day at work. I'm excited to have a family with someone that I love. I'm excited for a lot of things, but I'm also very scared.

For once in my life I can honestly say that being scared isn't such a bad thing. Not in this case.