15

minutes until class ends. I'm too bored to do anything else except for annoy you with my millions of posts per day. I like the way I did my "Thoughts" blog yesterday... so, I'm going to do another one of those thingymajiggers.

I drew this awesome Jesus fish in first period.
It's displaying on the front of my binder now.
Love is patient.
We had a fire drill in first period.
I slipped in the hallway. It was really embarassing.
I still don't know what that slimy goo is that I slipped on.
I'm starting to really like my middle name, for some reason.
I'm hungry.
Love is patient.
Yesterday, at about 3:08 P.M. (or so), my heart beat faster than I think it ever has.
^ That may or may not be true.
I wish your phone would work.
I like the word thingymajigger.
Love is patient.
I want another Yoohoo, like I had yesterday at lunch.
I'm not excited to see The Uninvited .
Teddy Geiger, will you marry me?
I know I asked Matt to marry me yesterday...
We can be a polygamic family.
Except this time there will be more than one husband.
I want to text you.
I'm more shy than I thought I was.
I think the term "shier" would be more correct to use in the sentence above.
We're learning grammar and conventions in Honors English II.
Hayley Williams is a beast.
You could say she's (one of) my role model(s).
Knots in hair are no fun.
Love is patient.
I want to go shopping.
I love Elise's gray jacket.
I'm glad Elise let's me borrow it permnanently.
Speeches on integrity, rough drafts, due Monday.
Integrity?
I wish my cellphone would vibrate more.
Love also does not envy.
I wish I had the guts to just talk to you already.
Love is patient.
It's 11:11! WISH!
Love is patient.
"'Cause repition's just so safe" (so says/sings my first husband, Matthew Thiessen.)
I'm still here waiting...
I'm trusting you, God/BFF.

Movies

Yesterday, I went to Blockbuster with my little brother and we rented The Rocker , with Teddy Geiger in it. He is like, the epitome of perfection. Seriously. Elise came over and watched it with me. The movie itself was really good, especially all the scenes with "Curtis" (Teddy!) in them.

We rented Dan in Real Life too, but we didn't get to watch it because I accidentally got the Blu-Ray version, or whatever, and it doesn't play in a normal DVD player... Ha. Silly me.

I'm nervous about how I did on my Algebra II test yesterday. Just thought I'd throw that out there. It was extremely difficult, if you ask me.

Today after school, I'm either going home or going home with Samantha. Later, at 7ish, I think I'm going to the movies with Samantha and Allen. Maybe Gabe and Brittany, too? They all want to see The Uninvited , but I DO NOT want to see that. I am so terrified and paranoid of every little thing that is the least bit scary. Hence the reason I do not like scary/horror movies.

After I go to the movies, Elise is going to pick me up there after she gets off work. Then we're going to Elise's house until Kimmie gets off work at 10, and then we're packing up and heading to Kimmie's house for a sleepover.

Fun stuff! I sort of want to go to the basketball game tonight because it's home... but unless for some reason Allen and Samantha can't go, I'll be going to the movies instead I guess, because I told them I would.

So, none of that stuff you probably are really intrigued by... but, I just wanted to write a little. It'll probably be a few days before I write again.

XOXO, Emily

P.S. I'm still trusting you, God. I know you're there.

Turn it inside out so I can see, the part of you that's drifting over me. And when I wake you're, you're never there. But when I sleep you're, you're everywhere. You're everywhere. Just tell me how I got this far. Tell me why you're here and who you are. 'Cause everytime I look you're never there, and everytime I sleep you're always there. 'Cause you're everywhere to me, and when I close my eyes it's you I see. You're everything I know that makes me believe I'm not alone. I'm not alone. I recognize the way you make me feel. It's hard to think that you might not be real. I sense it now, the water's getting deep. I try to wash the pain away from me, away from me....

'Cause you're everywhere to me, and when I close my eyes it's you I see. You're everything I know that makes me believe I'm not alone. 'Cause you're everywhere to me, and when I catch my breath, it's you I breathe. You're everything I know that makes me believe I'm not alone.

You're in everyone I see. So, tell me. Do you see me?

Thoughts

I'm still here waiting...
Relient K deserves an amazing, beyond spectacular, humongous, super-wonderful award.
Matt Thiessen, will you marry me?
Algebra II= HARD, next period, test!
There better be some good stuff at lunch.
I forgot, I have Gushers in my purse...
Integrity?
Love is patient.
Chapstick is amazing.
Sometimes I forget that no one really knows what life's about, and I think that I'm the only one.
The only person you need to apologize to is yourself.
Promises are broken, but new ones can be made.
I still trust you.
This class ends in 7 minutes...
Seven is my favorite number! Supposively God's too.
God and I are becoming BFF's.
I tell Him all my secrets.
I catch myself talking to Him more and more.
Indiana, I miss you, and all of your lovely people there.
I kind of hope no one sitting behind/beside me watches me blog.
Then again, why do I care?
I'm trusting you, God.

Algebra II

We have a test next period in Algebra II. I'm not looking forward to it. I went home with Elise yesterday, and then we drove over to Kimmie's and we all studied for it. It's only my third day in the class, and it's everyone else's seventh, so I hope I do alright.

Today has been really boring.

I'm still waiting for something to happen...


XOXO, Emily

I don't have long,

but I want to write as much as I can. Even though, there's really nothing that is honestly worth your time to read about that is going on in my life.

I've changed my mind about this week. I am determined to make it a good week, and so far, it's been pretty good.

Last night, Marlee, her mom, and I went to RiteAid and got some hair dye so that I could touch up the top of my head where I have been getting older and my hair has been getting darker (shame on my hair!). Plus, I got it done and it was growing out. Anyways, I really like how it turned out. Just like my hairdresser does it, except WAY cheaper.

I think Alora gets her phone back today! That, in itself, is extremely exciting.

I love my first period, Honors English II. We're focusing on writing right now, because the writing exam is coming up in March. I'm glad we're focusing on writing, I love it. I don't have a problem with it, but some people in my class might. The class is nice though, because I have a lot of friends in there, and Mrs. Savinsky is hilarious.

This class isn't half-bad either, considering I get to blog.

Third period's fine. I'm supposed to be getting it switched though, so I'm not sure how my new class will be. Either way though, they're both math classes (Honors Geometry or Algebra 2), and I do not particularly enjoy math. Oh well, I have to take it. It's not miserable, at least.

I just got a note from guidance with my new schedule, and they changed my third for me. That's so ironic that I was just talking about it!

Anyways, fourth period is Bible History. It's really interesting. We haven't gotten very deep into Genesis, but I'm already learning new things about the Bible, creation, and the history of the Bible itself and the people in it.

I have decided that patience is a key trait that I need to work on. Because, after all, love is patient.

XOXO, Emily


"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Cadle's Computer Apps Class

I'm at the lovely Fred T. Foard High School right now, in Room 501 to be exact. No one ever talks in this class. In a way, I like it, and in a way, I don't. Silence can be very unlimited.

My teacher, Coach Cadle, gave us this assignment: "Ex: 4, 8, 10 from Share Folder (CadleApps08). Well, I have a problem. A few, actually. I'm not sure if "Ex" is short for "Exercises" or "Examples", and I can't find the Share Folder. So, I'm not sure what to do...

I should probably go search some more. I have to go to my mom's this week... but, at least I now know that I'll be able to be on Blogger during the weeks I'm with her. That's exciting, for me.

Write more tomorrow, in this class, probably.

XOXO, Emily

Lemon muffins on a Sunday afternoon...

I just made lemon muffins, (yes, lemon) and they are making the house smell delicious. It's a beautiful day, even though the January air is still a tid bit too chilly for my liking. I'm ready for spring, and I am most definitely ready for summer.

I've decided that I am in dire need of a job. As soon as I turn 16 in June, I will be getting one. For now, this Superbowl Sunday, I am stuck babysitting a houseful of neighbor's wild kids.

The new semester at school has officially kicked off. It's definitely a change... I'm starting to think it's a nice change, although at first I was scared I was going to be miserable for a whole nine weeks. But, I'm beginning to think that maybe change isn't exactly what I want, but what I need. I'm content with my classes and the people in them.

Guys are just getting in the way of everything, and they are certainly not asking permission to do so before they just take over my train of thought. I'm a teenage girl, and obviously guys are going to be a part of my life and there'll be a lot that attract my attention, but I'm trying to focus on other things right now...
Especially since even when I do think I've found someone, they don't notice me. I'm invisible to a lot of people, I'm beginning to think. Or, if by rare chance, they do look at me, they don't really see me for who I am.

I miss talking to Alora. She's had her phone taken away, and she is my sense of balance. Tuesday she gets it back though, I think, so I'm excited for that.

I feel the need to wrap my arms around God. If only that were physically possible. Instead, I am earnestly trying to seek Him and His love. I don't think I'm trying hard enough, and I am mad at myself for that. I don't want to continue to get caught up in worldly things (like boys), I want to spend more time with Him and learning more about Him.

Also, I've never felt the need more than now to sing in front of a crowd. I'm sure that sounds completely stupid, but I feel like God is really pushing me to pursue my dreams of being a singer/musician. I'm not sure how just yet, but I'm hoping I'll begin to figure it out.

Sometimes I feel so alone, and so unworthy of anything. I'm getting less and less confident every day. I'm not confident in the way I look, whatsoever. It just gets worse all the time. And then I get extremely angry with myself for being so obsessed with vain, petty, worldly things such as how "pretty" I am. I should be concerned with my beauty on the inside, which I also feel needs to be strengthened.

But, I'm not miserable. Not all the time.

I'm just...

a very confusing person, I know.


This little gal needs to go clean her room, because she's kind of a clean freak, and a tornado of little brothers swept through it last night.

XOXO, Emily


At the end of the day, you either focus on what seperates you, or what holds you together.

School tomorrow,

and I'm actually ready... and kind of excited. We have a 2-hour delay though, because it snowed last night and I guess the roads are icy? (Not really. But, hey, the excuse works for me.)

I have an orthodontist appointment at 8:30 anyways, so I still have to wake up at the normal time. Boo. Oh well, they're going to tell me when I get my braces off. Hopefully, within the next two months. Woohoo!

Anyways, I should get some sleep. Tomorrow starts the new semester at school. New classes, classmates, teachers, lunch periods, etc. A fresh start, just like a fresh, new year.

Goodnight.
XOXO, Emily

Hope For Every Fallen Man (Acoustic)

As you push it up through the soil,
I will shake your filthy hand.
You may be dead to me,
but that don't mean we can't be friends.
Now it's time to get over this,
long as it's clear, you understand,
that I will never trust a single thing you say again.

Because the judge of you is someone I could never be,
is why you should thank the Lord that it is Him,
and it's not me.

But don't give up, it's not the end.
There's hope for every fallen man.
To pick themselves up when they think they can't, because with every passing second comes a second chance.

You stole so much from me,
and there is nothing left to take.
Save a hard-learned lesson on how to not make the same mistake.
And you may be delirious,
but that is something that will fade.
After you confess that this mess is all something that you made.

Because the judge of you is someone I could never be,
is why you should thank the Lord that it is Him,
and it's not me.

But don't give up, it's not the end.
There's hope for every fallen man.
To pick themselves up when they think they can't, because with every passing second comes a second chance.

Don't give up, it's not the end.
You'll get back on your feet again.
Forgiveness can be given when you think it can't, because with every passing second comes a second chance.

Take a good look at yourself and know,
you've got yourself a ways to go.
But difficult is not impossible.
You can take back all the lost control.
Take a good look at yourself and see,
that you'll emerge eventually.
As long as your heart's not too far gone from the only thing that can save you from yourself.
Forgiveness can be given when you think it can't, because with every passing second is a second chance.




Relient K is genius. <3

I knew

that this "I'm-so-sorry-and-I-miss-you" streak of yours would last for about...

2.5 seconds.
(Or, really, barely 24 hours.)

I wish, for once, I could believe this was real. But you are quickly proving yourself wrong.

Tell me, familiar stranger, can you see the fear in my eyes?

I've never wrote poetry. I've always wrote songs. But do little phrases like the title to this blog of mine count towards my artistic abilities scale?

I stared in awe at the sunset this morning. I'd love to say that I woke up to it, except for the fact that I was already awake when it was coming up so radiantly over the trees. So beautiful. I can't even describe, or put into words, it's magnificence. If you've never "woke up" to or just seen the sunset, you are most definitely missing out. Out here in the country, in the middle of nowhere, the Boondocks, whatever you want to call it- I must say we do have the best view of the sunset and the stars. Well, we have the best view from anywhere else I've ever been.

I was supposed to get up semi-earlyish and do housework for my dad. He doesn't like it when I don't get up at a reasonable time. But it's Saturday! Saturday is like, the day for sleeping in, correct? Oh well. I hate being a disappointment to him though, in any way. Disappointment is my motivation. I fear of being a disappointment, so I motivate myself to get things done.

I was reading The Shack the other day. It makes me think a lot about my relationship with God, and I love that. It scares me at the same time, how far away I am from the level I want to be with Him. I should do my own little bible studies each day on here. Or I'll just do them in my room, to my self.

You know, sometimes we get so caught up in life and how things should be that we don't take in to account how things really are. If you can find where you are at in your life, then you know where to start. But if you just keep wishing things were better and keep imagining how things should be or how they could be, always thinking the grass is greener on the other side- you'll miss out on the little things that are truly amazing.

♥
XOXO, Emily

---

I read your blogs. If I'm being honest with myself and with you, they really touched me and I cried my eyes out. I don't know what to say though. Of course, I want all those things back too. But I've wanted those things back to how they used to be for a long time. And when I wanted things back that way, you didn't.
And to be honest (again), I'm scared that you'll just keep spending all your time with your boyfriend. I know he's your boyfriend, but where does your "best friend" fit into your life? I need time with you too.
Oh, and, let's be honest, again. Ha. (Let's be honest all the time!?) I know I told you that I don't want to just drop all of my other friends for you, and that's true. And I was being honest.... but, not completely.... because I never told you, that sometimes.... I feel like I don't need anyone else, but you.

Except, sometimes, you can't go off of just a feeling.

Hm,

I don't even know where the heck to start.

I had a rough night Monday. Extremely rough. Possibly the roughest night of my life. Let's just leave it at that. I don't want to talk about it. Not even on this blog. It's all in my new diary that Amanda bought me for Christmas though, so if you can find a way to sneak into my room and snatch my diary from it's secret place, then you'll understand what I'm talking about. But that'll never happen, so you're screwed.

AMERICAN IDOL STARTED! OH YEAH, BABY. jfghdfjkghjkdfhgkjdg. I'm so EXCITED. Can you tell!?!?!?

;D

Tonight me and Daddy went to see Seven Pounds. It was absolutely amazing. I mean, I wasn't expecting anything less from THE WILL SMITH, but still. I was shocked by it's greatness. Hahaha. Seriously, get off your lazy butt and go see it. You won't regret it. Totally worth the $8.50, even though that price is outrageous.

I left my phone in ARod's car Thursday. How lame of me. I think we're going to chill tomorrow and I'll get it back then. I hope so.

The Secret Life of the American Teenager = <3
New episode Monday night! Of that AND The City. And then Tuesday night American Idol has a new episode. Dang, best two nights of my life.
c[:

We're out of school Monday and Tuesday and then Wednesday we go back to school and start a whole new semester. I'm talkin' all new classes, all new teachers, all new classmates, etc. I'm actually excited for a change.

Woah, I'm tired as crap.
Goodnight.

♥



You showed up at the movies tonight unexpectedly. I wish you knew that it killed me seeing you.

Why do goodbyes never get any easier?

Seriously. This sucks.

I've said how many goodbyes? At least a thousand. And I still cry like a big baby when I have to say another. They hurt just as bad, over and over. I just love it so much, here in Indiana. If I could move here, I could have a true, new beginning. A new town, a new school, everything. Well, it's not exactly a "new" town to me, but the school and a lot of the people would be. That would feel so good- to have no one know who I am, so I could be absolutely anything I wanted to be.

I thought about a lot today. Some interesting stuff crossed my mind as I was searching through a bunch of old pictures of me when I was little, and my family. They were all my grandmother's pictures, but they've been stored at my papa's house ever since she died. I miss her so much... but, let's not dwell on things we cannot fix, yeah? Alright, so, I was thinking about my past. I've been so caught up in it lately. I was thinking about growing up, and how it really does happen so fast. That sounds so cliche, but when you really think about it- life passes you by in the blink of an eye. Maybe that's why I have so much trouble sleeping. You're probably laughing right now, in your head if not out loud, but I'm not kidding. It could honestly be a physcological problem that I have. When I stay up late at night, it makes me feel like I have control of the speed that my life travels. I feel like I'll miss something if I go to sleep. It's really not good for me.

While I was looking at pictures, I came across something that broke my heart. My grandmother's journal. She writes so beautifully. And you know what all of her journal entries were about? Every single line in that book was about Jesus Christ, her faith in Him, the troubles she'd been through and how He got her through, etc. I can only aspire to be as dedicated to Him as she was. She gives me hope, even though she is incapable of saying a word. She doesn't have to say anything. Her legacy lives on in my life, and I don't doubt that it does in other's as well. I want to be so into God, like she was. I want to crave him, I want to walk blindfolded on a danger-filled road and know that He will be beside me every step of the way, holding my hand; I want to have unwavering faith in Him. I want to make my grandmother proud, and I thank her for instilling in me the desire to know Him better. I thank God for blessing me with such an incredible person in my life, to look up to. I wish more than anything that she was still alive...

I also found out today that my parent's have a court date scheduled, to decide who gets full custody of me and my brothers. I've poured out so many tears over this. Whatever happens, whoever gets me- it will be a humongous turning point in my life. It will make decisions in my life that I won't have control over.

If I'm being completely honest with myself, (which is extremely hard to do at times, but is what this blog is all about) I've already made my decision. I will live with my dad. It is not only what is best for me and my three little brothers, but it's what I want. But that means that I will have to stand before an entire court- and my mother- and say that, out loud, to myself and to everyone else. Honestly, who could do that? Who could stand before their very own mother and say that she'd prefer to live with her dad?

I don't have the heart for that. No matter what she, or my father, for that matter, has done in the past, I don't think I have the courage or the strength to do that. Does that mean I'm weak in the eyes of justice?

I need to pray over this, and I need anyone else who reads this to pray with me. I'd sure appreciate it.

Well, we're leaving early tomorrow morning. I have to drive part of the way back home, so I should get some rest.

Oh, and for the record, I don't exaggerate my accent. It was so great to find out that while we were still close you were talking about me behind my back, trying to make people that I love think that I'm fake and I pretend to have a southern drawl. Can't say I'm that surprised, but it still upset me. News flash, honey, I live in North Carolina. We all have accents. Thank you very much. Thanks for caring enough about me to try and get everyone that I'm close to against me, though.

Yeah, I was right. I definitely need some rest. I'm tired of fighting with myself.

January 1st, 2009

IT'S 2009, BABY!
And I, for one, am very excited about it. I've been wanting to start off fresh for a while, so I can almost recreate myself, in a sense. Keep what's good and throw out what's bad. A clean slate.


Well, anyways. Juliann's party was fun. Juliann, Amanda, Justin Phillips, Garrett, Danny, Jonathan, Matt, Emily Muller, and I were all there. Jonathan left early, after he'd crashed the counter full of snacks, and Matt came later. We all played Apples to Apples and some other game that I can't pronounce. Bingadelash- or something like that.
XD

I'm almost finished with Breaking Dawn, the fourth book in the Twilight series. People think I'm insane- but I love Jacob. Of course, I love Bella and Edward too. But Jacob is just amazing. Just like the kid who plays his character in the movie, Taylor Lautner.

AND THEY'RE NOT USING HIM FOR THE SECOND MOVIE. I AM STARTING A RIOT.
Mhm, count on it. I've got his back. And his front.

Muahahaha. Kidding. (;

I need to get to bed. I think I'm getting dimensia from staying up extremely late (like 6 AM) for the past three nights and then sleeping during the middle of the day.

Goodnight, hope everyone's New Year's was amazing.
♥