Lemon muffins on a Sunday afternoon...

I just made lemon muffins, (yes, lemon) and they are making the house smell delicious. It's a beautiful day, even though the January air is still a tid bit too chilly for my liking. I'm ready for spring, and I am most definitely ready for summer.

I've decided that I am in dire need of a job. As soon as I turn 16 in June, I will be getting one. For now, this Superbowl Sunday, I am stuck babysitting a houseful of neighbor's wild kids.

The new semester at school has officially kicked off. It's definitely a change... I'm starting to think it's a nice change, although at first I was scared I was going to be miserable for a whole nine weeks. But, I'm beginning to think that maybe change isn't exactly what I want, but what I need. I'm content with my classes and the people in them.

Guys are just getting in the way of everything, and they are certainly not asking permission to do so before they just take over my train of thought. I'm a teenage girl, and obviously guys are going to be a part of my life and there'll be a lot that attract my attention, but I'm trying to focus on other things right now...
Especially since even when I do think I've found someone, they don't notice me. I'm invisible to a lot of people, I'm beginning to think. Or, if by rare chance, they do look at me, they don't really see me for who I am.

I miss talking to Alora. She's had her phone taken away, and she is my sense of balance. Tuesday she gets it back though, I think, so I'm excited for that.

I feel the need to wrap my arms around God. If only that were physically possible. Instead, I am earnestly trying to seek Him and His love. I don't think I'm trying hard enough, and I am mad at myself for that. I don't want to continue to get caught up in worldly things (like boys), I want to spend more time with Him and learning more about Him.

Also, I've never felt the need more than now to sing in front of a crowd. I'm sure that sounds completely stupid, but I feel like God is really pushing me to pursue my dreams of being a singer/musician. I'm not sure how just yet, but I'm hoping I'll begin to figure it out.

Sometimes I feel so alone, and so unworthy of anything. I'm getting less and less confident every day. I'm not confident in the way I look, whatsoever. It just gets worse all the time. And then I get extremely angry with myself for being so obsessed with vain, petty, worldly things such as how "pretty" I am. I should be concerned with my beauty on the inside, which I also feel needs to be strengthened.

But, I'm not miserable. Not all the time.

I'm just...

a very confusing person, I know.


This little gal needs to go clean her room, because she's kind of a clean freak, and a tornado of little brothers swept through it last night.

XOXO, Emily


At the end of the day, you either focus on what seperates you, or what holds you together.